Today I’m doing something a little different than usual. Instead of a super carefully curated essay, today I’m just going to freely express myself off the dome about how I’ve been feeling lately.
These past couple of weeks, I have been keeping a soul record of the things, the people, and the places in which I see and breathe in the breath of God. Whether it be a walk in a garden nursery, a quick meditation by the river with Oshun (a river deity of love and fertility in the Yoruba pantheon), reading a book by a phenomenal black poet, spending time with loved ones or writing a new poem.
It’s been a rollercoaster since my last post, honestly. I started and stopped writing a post several times because it didn’t flow. Truthfully, it’s been feeling like a time where I wanted to be within, as I was dealing with complicated emotions. I had to honor that. I gently advise you to do that, too, whenever you come across that part of life. Sometimes we push ourselves way too damn hard, and we forget to be kind to ourselves. Which then in turn, causes us to become unkind to others. I dislike to write for the public to see when it doesn’t feel natural. It feels fake when I rob myself of authenticity in my craft. I value authenticity in people and things, and I want to give that to the universe in return. I think it’s easier for me to be more transparent with poetry when I’m feeling blue, with all the metaphors and artsyness it allows, but it’s totally different in essay writing. Through disappointments, frustrations, and even a negative shift in the way I currently relate to a particular loved one, I felt trapped. Suffocated. Vulnerable in a way I didn’t like.
But I realized it was because I didn’t allow my God-consciousness to breathe.
The best way I do that is through lots of writing, lots of reading, lots of meditation, and lots of allowing love in, in all forms. Tea is also a pretty dope accompaniment to such a process. As soon as I did that, I was able to focus on the good when life was being…life. Last week, I got my book Water Comes First in the hands of a legendary poetess, and my mom (& forever best friend) was present to share that joy with me. When I was feeling some type of way, my Godfather and boyfriend surprised me by taking me to my favorite Chinese restaurant, both phenomenal and beautiful black men who hold a special place in my heart. My inner little girl sighed in relief to that, for real.
I’m feisty, I’m sweet, I’m chill, but I’m sensitive as hell. Instead of looking at that in a negative light, or a shadow trait, I just look at it as something that just….is. But because of it, I am protective of my energy, and cherish those who help me to do so. When my sensitivity is balanced, I’m aware of myself and I’m tuned into the ones I love. One of the things my friends and family love about me is my ability to understand, because I feel most things very strongly. Another great thing about balanced sensitivity is the ability to take in what you need, throw away what you don’t need, and transform negative energy into positive energy. That’s an art. An art that I will be a student of for a lifetime.
Oh yeah, and I spot a lie from miles away.
So all in all, as we say goodbye to Spring, and hello to Summer, I ask that The Divine ignites a fire in us that will propel us forward to our higher selves. To our destinies. To loving harder. To living more. May the light of the sun burn away everything no longer serving us or our highest good. May we quiet our minds enough to listen to the whispers of our ancestors on the breezes of the warm nights. Let them caress you with lasting peace.
Be patient with yourself. Love yourself. My heart is with you.